wonderment

Personally, I rate today the worst day I’ve had in a while.

Oh no, nothing major happened. But when you find yourself crying in the shower it’s probably an indication that something’s not right somewhere.

Now, I don’t need any coddling from this, I’m not trying to illicit sympathy or attention. Frankly, I don’t know why I’m feeling so miserable - probably an accumulation of disappointment at not doing well in the project presentation even though we’ve spent so much time and energy on it … fatigue from starting the week being super late for work and spending an entire week’s transport allowance on a single cab ride … maybe it’s general burn out from running for so long. I don’t know, frankly I don’t. It’s a myriad of different factors that I could account for but cannot bear the thought of having to figure out which one’s the main culprit. The tears came, I let them go and the water washed them away.

I was feeling so bad, I  wanted to cancel my birthday party this weekend. For a moment, I felt how pathetic it was to plan my own party … but as I walked around the house a bit, I realised, that if I don’t, I was going to let my milestone year slip away unnoticed. I did that for my 21st birthday, I ain’t gonna let it go for my 25th.

So I sat down and started doing up a shopping list and the more I wrote, the more ideas came to me. And as I thought about the different things I would do to make this party special, I felt my spirits becoming a little more uplifted. I love the fact that I am blessed enough to be here at 25, living healthy and free and being surrounded by the people I love. I love the fact that I can do something special for them in return for the grace they have given to me.

I just wish however, that I had 3 other friends to celebrate with. Too bad they’re scattered faraway overseas … Funny that 2 of them should email me today. Perhaps my sadness is from missing them too.