wonderment

Reality sank in today …

While walking to the clinic some distance away from the car, I suddenly felt breathless,  my breathing became short and choppy. It wasn’t very serious, but I told the doctor and she waved it away saying that I was just imagining things.  After the blood test and I was walking back to the car with Hsien, I suddenly felt my head spinning and my eyes were blanking out, I could barely see in front of me. Hsien had to support me under my arms so I wouldn’t collapse on the road. It was scary!

Once I returned home and sat down, I felt tons better.

But there was a niggling feeling …Had my platelets gone down?

Throughout the day, I continued to take phone calls, send emails (yes, still working from home!) and Hsien who was with me and overheard my conversations said that no one was ever going to believe I had dengue from the way I sounded! So I felt mighty fine … except I couldn’t stand for too long because the breathlessness and dizzyness would come again.

At about 7pm, the doctor calls again to tell me the result of my report and my fears were right. My platelets had dropped down to 90, just 10 shy of the number to get me immediately admitted into hospital. The funny thing was, my temperature was hovering around the 37 range, a very low grade fever. My dad believed that I was getting better already, I didn’t. The doctor already warned me that even though my temperature could drop, it didn’t mean that my platelets were okay.

So now at 10pm, I’m lying on the sofa feeling absolutely wrung out. The bodyache and headache has set in and I’m really ready to retire to bed …

I hope, I hope, I don’t need to go to the hospital after tomorrow’s blood test …

I’ve always wondered what it would feel like to get dengue.

Would you be sick with a scorching fever and blood oozing out of everywhere? Would you be plagued by chills and be near the brink of death? Certainly seems like it. At the rate the government makes dengue such a thing to be reckoned with, it is incredibly serious.

So yesterday, when I sat at home, anxiously waiting for the phone to ring with the results of a blood test I took earlier in the day, I wasn’t REALLY expecting dengue. I thought it was just an extended viral fever that didn’t manifest in the usual flu or inflamed throat and I was a little pissed off that the doctor didn’t want to give me antibiotics!

….. I’ve been  having an unstable temperature since Sunday evening (yes, it came on 2 hours before my birthday party was supposed to start!) but only got to see a doctor the next afternoon. She sent me off with a 2 day MC and a packet of panadol … A packet of PANADOL?? How serious was that?

On one hand, I was happy to get a 2 day MC, on the other, I wondered how serious it was … She did remind me to come back to see her for a blood test if the temperature persisted onto Tuesday. Tuesday came and the temperature was up and down no matter if I’d eaten the panadol or not so  I didn’t plan to see her. Towards the later part of the evening, the temperature seemed to get better but on Wednesday, it was back up to 38 degrees, so it was the blood test and another day off …

When she finally told me I had dengue, I didn’t know what to think. Or maybe I had too many thoughts that it drowned out everything.

I just had to ask - how bad is it? do I need to go to the hospital? What can’t I do? What CAN I do? Is there any medicine I can eat to help me get better?

I momentarily freaked out. But my parents, when I mouthed to them that I had DENGUE, went paranoid.

Turns out, my platelets (the stuff that helps your blood to clot) was lower than a normal person’s (140-400), mine was 110 yesterday, and my white blood cells were showing signs of infection.

When I put the doctor on my phone’s speaker phone, she started getting overly excited and stuttering and stammering that made my family even more nervous. Out of everyone, I was the coolest, asking the questions that were flooding my mind and behaving very professionally, as I’ve always been taught to do.

When the doctor got off the phone, my parents were so stressed out that they started blaming each other about whether it was the plants we keep that caused the problem, or that we had some secret place in the house that was breeding mosquitoes.  They closed all the windows in the house, making the tension more unbearable than it already was.

After a while, they finally gave up and the phone-calling began. Everyone was extremely concerned about my rest and drinking enough water and basically getting well. So nice!

Now, with my platelets (the stuff that makes your blood clot) so low and with the possibility of going even lower, I can’t afford to go out in case I fall down and bruise myself. I’m on indefinite sick leave (at least for 2 weeks) until my platelets climb up to normal levels.

In fact, I was more thrilled that my schedule suddenly got cleared automatically for two whole weeks than worried that I actually got dengue fever.

Reality hadn’t sunk in yet …

Being in airconditioning helps.

The swelling has gone down though I can still feel the bumps  on my skin, but it’s not too obvious.

At least I look normal and not like somebody got whippy-happy with a leather thong.

I never got to sleep much last night …

I BROKE OUT IN FREAKING HIVES!!!

I’ve never seen so many big ugly red pelts … I look like hordes of mosquitoes attacked me and bit a flower-like pattern on my back, my stomach, all over my legs and my hands. .. It’s seriously gross.

And so itchy, can? Coupled with a terrible cramp in the stomach, I just didn’t get much shuteye until I sunk into an uneasy snooze on the sofa, sitting half upright.

Gonna have to go to work later still though… gaaaahhh

Personally, I rate today the worst day I’ve had in a while.

Oh no, nothing major happened. But when you find yourself crying in the shower it’s probably an indication that something’s not right somewhere.

Now, I don’t need any coddling from this, I’m not trying to illicit sympathy or attention. Frankly, I don’t know why I’m feeling so miserable - probably an accumulation of disappointment at not doing well in the project presentation even though we’ve spent so much time and energy on it … fatigue from starting the week being super late for work and spending an entire week’s transport allowance on a single cab ride … maybe it’s general burn out from running for so long. I don’t know, frankly I don’t. It’s a myriad of different factors that I could account for but cannot bear the thought of having to figure out which one’s the main culprit. The tears came, I let them go and the water washed them away.

I was feeling so bad, I  wanted to cancel my birthday party this weekend. For a moment, I felt how pathetic it was to plan my own party … but as I walked around the house a bit, I realised, that if I don’t, I was going to let my milestone year slip away unnoticed. I did that for my 21st birthday, I ain’t gonna let it go for my 25th.

So I sat down and started doing up a shopping list and the more I wrote, the more ideas came to me. And as I thought about the different things I would do to make this party special, I felt my spirits becoming a little more uplifted. I love the fact that I am blessed enough to be here at 25, living healthy and free and being surrounded by the people I love. I love the fact that I can do something special for them in return for the grace they have given to me.

I just wish however, that I had 3 other friends to celebrate with. Too bad they’re scattered faraway overseas … Funny that 2 of them should email me today. Perhaps my sadness is from missing them too.

As I was coming into work, I noticed how sunny and blue-skied today is. Reminds me a little bit of Melbourne. So nice.

My birthday party has been settled. A nice little KPT (kueh pie tee) party with my near-and-dears. Yay! After an entire month of just running around, I’m looking to enjoy finishing it with a nice night of celebrations.

I’m on my way to purchase my first second hand big-ticket item. I’ve done enough research (I hope!) to not be taken for a ride.

It has been a very emotional experience.

On one hand, you have all these nasty reviews and then you have the glowing ones. You really have to concentrate on what you want out of what you’re buying and are satisfied that the not so good bits don’t affect what you do want.

I’m meeting the guy later and let’s hope what I’m getting is really a good deal and not a lemon to throw out of the window.

I’ll be back to blog about what this mysterious “big ticket item” is …

P.S: I’m still scratching my head on what to do for my birthday! I’m a quarter of a century old, surely that’s something to celebrate with a bang!

Having dinner with Andrea and Jason.

I could kick myself for forgetting to take a photo with them, so you’ll have to imagine along with me.

Andrea and Jason were/are my closest friends in  Melbourne, and I laughed, cried, cooked, prayed and spent hours chatting with them. They stood by me when I first broke up with the boy (another story for another day!), challenged me into ministry, inspired me on in my faith. Andrea who stayed round the corner from me, was my chatting buddy. We often stood at the porch of her apartment and chatted for up to 2 hours in the freezing Melbourne nights after OCF. You can say, without those 2, my life in Melbourne wouldn’t have been so interesting and colourful.

Andrea’s back in Singapore for a short bit and we had to catch up because I rarely get to see her. I chose Bakerzin at Paragon because I’d heard about its wonderful chocolate lava cake and seafood pasta.

I don’t think we were really interested in the food as much as we were interested in catching up. We probably sat there for a good half hour before ordering dinner and spent another 15-20 minutes yakking before ordering dessert. It was all very good and fulfilling to hear about how Parkville is changing under a few people who are burdened enough to change things. As I listened to Andrea regal me with stories about our friends and ministry, I could just feel myself being transported back to Melbourne, walking down Swanston Street to go to OCF at Arrow Heights.

Oh the memories… I’m glad though, I was scared I’d gradually forget about Melbourne, but with people who bring me back news, it’s always a refreshing experience.

I love my Aussie friends today!!!

I’m so inspired I’m going to write a few emails to the some other people who’ve emailed me but I never got round to replying …

Toodles!